Today's blog was planned to be a study of the sh*te that I overhear in the pub of a Saturday afternoon, off I popped for a couple of pints of £1.75 Guinness, armed with a pen and a fluorescent orange note-pad ('Couldn't you find something a bit less obvious?' Michael Glasper's helpful observation), and sat down for a spot of people watching & listening.
Sadly, although the pub was full, Utter Bollocks Pub Talk didn't seem to be on the menu and the note-pad and pen stayed in my pocket.
Am I downhearted? A bit. Am I thwarted? No way, man. For many years I have overheard snippets of conversation, which have amused me, so I will try to recall them and share with you.
Please feel free to add your own eavesdroppings, Michael's overheard tale of the burning dog is a classic.
Two tracksuit clad girls, pushing snot-nosed kids in buggies on Stockton High Street: 'However you dress it up, he was touching his cock.'
One lad to another in Green Inn, Skelton Green: 'You're a c*nt and always have been. That's all I want to say about that' (In a Forrest Gump drawl)
Two lads arguing at work (Stockton): 'Alright, so you're going blind. Get over it'
So, there's a taster for you. Please add more and let's build up an encyclopaedia of wisdom, for future generations of half-wits.
Quality stuff.
ReplyDeleteI will add one to be going on with:
I was stood at a bus stop in Redcar about a decade ago waiting for a bus home. A middle-aged couple were having a mild disagreement over something undisclosed. Her mother came up in the argument. It came to light that she wasn't happy with something he had recently done, and the man wasn't happy. This sentence will stay with me forever:
"Wellit wasn't like that when the dog was on fire, and I put him out. She was all over me then".
Michael you have a veritable goldmine of them from that one hour in The Three Fiddles in Guisborough ....
ReplyDelete